Deadlines and the Fear of Failure
Why do we impose deadlines on ourselves? Why do we self-inflict all that pressure?
Every Monday, I receive an email congratulating me for the weekly newsletter, “You've published so many weeks in a row; that's in the top 6% of publishers.” But why does this matter to me? So what. Nobody cares but myself; I never share the statistics.
I think I’ve figured out a few reasons why I see this as important. It’s a form of self-validation, a confirmation that, for one task at least, I have been able to self-discipline myself to achieve something creative.
Today, Sunday, July 21, I began to awaken slowly, hoping for a rare lie-in. Then, a mounting panic and an intense feeling of guilt began to take hold. I knew I’d neglected writing for the last few days, preferring to enjoy the summer days with my wife and family. This isn’t a bad thing now, is it?
After all, nobody imposed this deadline, and nobody cared except me. I hauled myself out of bed and headed to the kitchen for coffee. I popped in my AirPods, and with coffee in hand, I pottered around the terrace, dictating my thoughts.
I wasn’t thinking about what the subject of this newsletter would be; I just blabbered away to see what would come unforced. Planning this week’s topic or picking something from my ideas factory would, perhaps, have been the more straightforward path. But overthinking what to write, especially for a post like this, doesn’t always need to be planned in this way. Occasionally, it’s good to write what you feel like, exactly as I've been preaching for months.
So, instead of waking up at 06:30, feeling that I must write the bloody newsletter today or I’ll miss the deadline. After the dictation session, my feelings changed to looking forward to writing. The point is that leaning into the pleasure of writing, no matter the subject or the quality is far more important. I didn't have to write the newsletter; I wanted to, but that's something else entirely. It's not a mandatory or obligatory agreement; it's not a deadline set by clients.
Still Procrastinating
As an aside, I'm still struggling, still procrastinating, and looking for anything else to do except sit down and work on the book. I have many ideas, but that’s my problem, nobody else's. Does it matter if I screw up the first draft? Just get it done, even if it turns out to be a complete mess. Who cares? Nobody is going to see the first draft anyway.
As long as the idea and the story flow are in place, that’s all that matters. I think it frightens me; resistance and the fear of failure are the only things holding me back.
Final Thoughts
It’s now early afternoon. The household chores are done, and it’s time to relax before the weekly stresses begin again.
If any lessons are to be learned from this morning, it is that I must never forget that I write for pleasure. If and when it stops being pleasurable, that’s the time to stop.
I’ll be back again next week, as I always am. Between then and now, we’ve got a short city trip planned to Dublin, so I’ll likely find inspiration in the birthplace of James Joyce.
Until then, happy writing.
Voiceover is via Eleven Labs. I've no idea how the audio from several weeks ago came to be slapped on the end?