Remaining Authentic as a Creative Introvert
Creating Genuine Connections on Your Own Terms
I've been thinking a lot about authenticity lately. What does it really mean to put yourself out there, warts and all, especially when you're an introvert like me? Recently, I took the Myers-Briggs personality test that confirmed what I'd long suspected - I'm firmly in the INFJ camp (Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging, though I sometimes struggle to remember exactly what those letters mean).
Starting this newsletter in early 2023 was a significant step forward for me. It represented a conscious decision to be more honest and open with my thoughts. But am I completely honest? Am I truly authentic? I don't know. I try to be, but there's always something holding me back. A little voice that questions whether I should reveal quite so much of myself.
Looking back, would I have had the courage to start this newsletter even ten years ago? Absolutely not. I simply didn't have the self-confidence then. I cared far too much about what others thought of me. I still care what people think; of course, we all do to some extent, but I no longer care enough to let it silence my voice or dictate what and how I write.
Character Development as Self-Discovery
This journey toward authenticity has deeply influenced my approach to writing my first novel. The protagonist, Megan, has become something of an alter ego for me. I deliberately chose to make her female, creating another layer of distance between her and my true self, yet she remains intrinsically connected to who I am.
I've noticed similarities between my approach and that of J.F. Penn with her main character, Morgen Sierra, in her Arkane series. Like Jo, I've infused my protagonist with elements of my ideal self. Interestingly, my antagonist, Jacob, also reflects aspects of my personality - perhaps the darker side, the "I don't give a shit" side that doesn't particularly care about the effects of his actions on others.
This contrast feels significant because I’m quite the opposite in my day-to-day life. I care about people deeply and passionately. I identify strongly as a humanist. Yet, through my writing, I can explore these shadow aspects of myself in a safe, creative space.
Cultural Perspectives and Communication
My relationship with my wife has profoundly shaped my understanding of different perspectives. She is from Thailand and has a Buddhist upbringing, so she brings a fundamentally different worldview to our relationship than my Western perspective. When we met in 2001, I often struggled understanding her thought processes and attitudes toward life.
This cultural disconnect led me to an epiphany about the influence of our respective backgrounds. I began reading about Buddhism and discovered, somewhat surprisingly, that many of its tenets aligned perfectly with the beliefs I'd held throughout my adult life. This exploration eventually led me to identify more specifically as a humanist, accurately describing my outlook.
As a humanist, I genuinely care about how people think and feel. I want to make people happy. According to Buddhist philosophy, which offers a beautiful insight, the best way to find personal happiness is to make those around you happy - their joy then reflects back onto you. It's a simple but powerful principle that guides much of how I try to live.
The Authentic Connection with True Fans
Recently, I read an article by Johnny B. Truant about the concept of "true fans. “ It resonated deeply with my thoughts on authenticity. True fans aren’t just people who appreciate your work; they’re people who connect with you as a person. They grow to love not just your books, music, or art but you, the authentic creator behind it all.
This is why being genuinely yourself matters so much. True fans respond to authenticity. They can sense when you're holding back or presenting a carefully curated version of yourself. With true fans, anything you create becomes valuable because it's an extension of you, someone they've come to care about.
Building this kind of relationship requires vulnerability, which is especially challenging for introverts. It means sharing not just your successes but your struggles, not just your certainties but your doubts. It's about showing up consistently as your real self, even when that feels uncomfortable.
Finding Courage Through Age and Experience
One gift of aging is caring less about others’ judgments. At this stage in my life, I find myself more willing to take creative risks that would have terrified me in my younger years. There’s a certain freedom that comes with maturity, not that I don't care at all what people think, but I've developed a healthier perspective on criticism and rejection.
This newfound courage has allowed me to pursue writing projects I might have abandoned before, to share ideas that feel risky or personal, and to experiment with different creative approaches. I'm learning that the most meaningful connections come when I'm at my most authentic, not when I'm trying to project a certain image or meet others' expectations.
Final Thoughts
The path to authenticity isn't straightforward, especially for introverts. It requires a delicate balance between honoring your natural tendencies and pushing beyond your comfort zone. For me, writing has become the bridge that connects these seemingly contradictory needs - it allows me to process my thoughts privately before sharing them with the world.
Through my protagonist Megan and antagonist Jacob, I'm exploring different facets of myself, the idealized version and the shadow self I rarely acknowledge. Through cultural exchanges with my wife, I’ve expanded my understanding of different worldviews and discovered unexpected commonalities. And through connecting with readers, I'm learning that vulnerability, while frightening, creates the most meaningful relationships.
Being authentic doesn't mean sharing everything, but it does mean being honest about who you are and what matters to you. It's a continuous journey rather than a destination, one that becomes a little easier with each step forward.